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If love is a relationship, then what is lust?


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Love or Lust?

In our article on relationships and love we said: Love is the affinity experienced between two people who are naturally able and willing to tune into one another's emotional, intellectual, and physical states - and respond to them in a nurturing and a stimulating way. Therefore love is a relationship.

If Love is a relationship what is Lust? What is the difference between love and lust?

Lust has two rather different meanings: an 'eagerness to possess' and a 'strong sexual desire'. The two meanings are often confused. We are not concerned with possession, which is a feature of oppression. Like you, we're far more interested in sexual desire!

  1. Circumstantial lust

    Circumstantial lust is the force that carries you through a one-night stand. It's based on a temporary detachment from the intellectual and emotional expressions of everyday life.

    This lust has more to do with self-gratification than genuine sexual desire. Its power wanes when life gets back to normal, or the affair becomes routine. And so do those so-called feelings of love that previously felt so strong.

    Circumstantial lust is common amongst those who are easily influenced by media images, and whose choices are limited by their commitments and positions in society.


  2. Ultra-circumstantial lust

    Extreme circumstances lead to ultra-circumstantial lust. The extreme circumstance (pain, fear, suffering) induces excessive hormonal activity which, in turn, creates a strong sexual desire.

    This type of sexual desire can be addictive. Arousal only becomes possible when linked with pain and suffering. The results can be seriously damaging to the innocents who get drawn in - as well as to the perpetrators who are locked in a spiral of repetitive degradation and increasing self-loathing.


  3. Genuine lust

    Genuine lust stems from sexual chemistry. It's the natural and inevitable result of physical attraction and physical compatibility - the two essential ingredients of sexual chemistry. Sexual chemistry is a powerful force. It can induce strong sexual desire towards people who don't have filmstar looks and social or economic status. And it does so without the need for props, toys, or games.


The lust that's born of physical compatibility is the only type of lust that goes with a loving relationship. A couple who combine physical chemistry with emotional and intellectual compatibility, and who act in objective and benevolent ways can create a profoundly contented and life-enhancing experience. That experience is commonly known as love.

Love and lust are not interchangeable, although they naturally co-exist in a sexual love relationship. In many non-sexual relationships, love does perfectly well on its own without sexual desire.

But what about the converse example? Can genuine lust exist in a sexual association that is not a loving relationship? Yes it can - although there are many people who would challenge that view.

Postscript

Human psyche and behaviour within reationships is a huge area of study. No website could hope to cover it all. Biomatch.com is essentially about infradian biorhythms and the creation of successful relationships. It would be incomplete if we didn't draw your attention to a few relevant factors.

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In this section:What is Love? • Relationships and Love • Love or Lust • Willing and Able to Love
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